Thursday, April 30, 2015

Revision Letter

Dana Cursi
Professor Young
April 30, 2015
Revision Letter

              To be successful revision I make sure to go through all of the comments that are given to me. Before I even begin I look through my whole essay to see what was good and bad, to see what needs to be done to get a general idea. When I get the comments I start to look and fix them right away to have more time to look at the changes that need to be done. My second essay in particular I believe is my best revised essay. I took a lot of time making corrections on it and every time I got corrections I made sure to address them all. But besides just addressing the comments I also added more details throughout. That essay made me a better writer because it helped me see how clear I should be in writing and how to integrate quotes better too. For example, in my second essay I talked about Ellen DeGeneres but instead of just saying her name thinking everyone knows her, after corrections I made sure to describe her and what she does, and her importance/connection to my essay. Also, when I begin to make those changes I start with the grammar first and look at the whole essay to see what I need to fix. Then once all the grammar is fixed I move to fixing the content and adding more detail. After this class I learned a lot more about grammar and how to incorporate ideas into my essay and have it flow. Also, I am more aware of what different sentence errors and fragments look like.

            When revising my essay I use now S.E.E.R. (state the main point, example, expand, restate topic sentence), R.E.N.N.S. (reasons, examples, names, numbers, sensory detail). Using those it doesn’t change my essay completely it just adds more specifics and details which in the end help my essay. When I get feedback I am willing to change and to try to create a new approach to better my essay. I am willing to try a new approach because I know that the feedback I get back is to help guide me and make me a better writer. When revising the thing that frustrates me the most is when I struggle with trying to think of how to reword something to get my point across. I could be thinking something in my head but when I write it, it might not sound right and I’m not sure how to get it on paper. When writing I write how I talk so that messes me up because it might not always make sense and be proper grammar. When revising what makes it easier is when I see comments that let me know what I should change. Because I am the writer I don’t see what others might see when reading my essay. So with comments it enables me to see what to change and realize what I need to fix more clearly. Also, it helps to guide me in the right direction with how to fix my essay to earn a higher grade in the end.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Gatewat to a Fresh Start


Dana Cursi
Professor Young
April 16, 2015

Essay 3 Draft

                                   Gateway to a Fresh Start

            Have you ever heard some say, “One leap forward and two steps back”? A lot of people would agree that is how they feel regarding the Rutgers New Brunswick ban on fraternity and sorority parties. This ban applies to all 86 of Rutgers Greek life organizations. The ban is taking place due to different alcohol related incidents. Putting the ban out was a smart decision. Banning fraternity and sorority parties at Rutgers was a good idea because it keeps the campus safer, fewer death related incidents due to alcohol, and keeps the kids more focused on school work.


            School campuses try their best to keep their schools safe. Rutgers has a fully staffed police department on each one of their campuses. Trying to ensure safety and make everyone feel comfortable on campus. They have emergency services, which are made up of different retired cops, firefighters. There is also the blue light system around campus. The blue light system is in case of an emergency and no phone students are able to press the button to let authorities know where that person is. With everything that goes on it makes it difficult for
Campus safety evaluated upon assault report (Larkin 1).
them to maintain that sense of safety. “Maintaining a safe and healthy campus environment for all of our students is a priority, and in light of a number of recent incidents over the past several months involving Greek organizations and alcohol, the Office of Fraternity and Sorority Affairs (OFSA) took this action out of caution and concern” (Gauba 1). As the incidents started to increase with the parties they had to decide on a plan to do something. Which is why the ban was important because they couldn’t sit back and let the problems persist and not maintain the safety and health of the campus.


 
            With keeping the safety of the campus it will decrease the number of alcohol related deaths. “Last year, the number of alcohol- related incidents at the University went up” (Gingras 1).  Trying to deal with this problem is very difficult because it is extremely hard to get college kids to stop partying and drinking as much. With the ban it enables them to decrease and manage it just a little better. Some of the incidents that led up to the ban was, “In September, 19-year-old sophomore Caitlyn Kovacs died of alcohol poisoning after she was found in “distress” at a Delta Kappa Epsilon fraternity party. In a separate incident, a 20-year-old Sigma Phi Epsilon member was hospitalized after he was severely
intoxicated” (Gingras 1). Any number of deaths on a campus even if it was just one death at a campus that is too much and both of those incidents dealt with kids drinking too much. There should be more ways of preventing deaths from occurring and the ban is just one of those ways.
 

            Besides just preventing deaths, the ban also helps students focus more on school work and less on drinking. To help the problem with focusing on school, “Greek life should consider enforcing some degree of control” (Gingras 2).  Greek life organizations should have a focus on school work and not just parties and drinking. For my Greek life organization that I am in, Zeta Tau Alpha, is strict about getting good grades and making sure we get library hours to do well in school. Normally kids would save all their homework for Sunday nights and would go out on Fridays and Saturdays. But now with the ban it allows kids to not go out as much and party and stay in and focus on their work before waiting till the last minute to do it.

            Although some argue that kids are still going to go out and party even with the ban, it still helps decrease the amount. The ban cannot hold back every student on campus, but most understand the ban and are, “on board with the ban because they wanted to avoid risking further negative publicity that's surrounded Greek organizations on campus and across the country this year” (Gingras 2). They haven’t handled parties as well as they could have at Rutgers. This year the publicity the school hasn’t been that great and they are trying to fix that. Having bad publicity at a University can really hurt the high reputation schools try to keep. Thus hurting the amount of incoming freshman that want to go to that school.

            In conclusion, the ban is a smart decision because of the many reason it will help out the campus. There will be better safety, less death related incidents, bigger focus on school, and better publicity. College isn’t just about partying and going out, students should focus more on the academics. Focusing on that will help save lives so students don’t over drink and go to crazy at parties. This ban could save a lot more lives.

 

 

Works Cited

Gauba, Vaishali. "Some Rutgers Students Frustrated over Greek Life Party Ban." USA

TODAY College. USA Today, 12 Apr. 2015. Web. 20 Apr. 2015.

Gingras, Brynn. "Rutgers Bans Fraternity, Sorority Parties." NBC New York.

NBCUniversal Media, n.d. Web. 20 Apr. 2015.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Speaking Freely


Dana Cursi
March 1, 2015
Professor Young
English 1101                                                                                                                                      

Essay 2

                                Speaking Freely

Imagine you are sitting in a classroom and notice someone being bullied. You can hear the bully making fun of the other student and you don’t know what to do. Would you keep quiet or would you break the silence? There comes a time and place when you can’t stay silent anymore and it is better to say something than to keep quiet. In Dr. Martin Luther King’s speech, “Beyond Vietnam,” he talks about why he is against the Vietnam War, and why it was time to break the silence. Instances such as bullying, racism, and gay rights are appropriate times to break the silence.

           In any school no matter the age or gender you will see some type of bullying. Whether the bullying is violent, cyber bullying, or mentally abusive, it is all around us. When this happens and no one tries to stop it, it just gets worse. Statistics show that, “Bullying stops in less than 10 seconds, 57% of the time when someone intervenes on behalf of the victim” (Craig & Pepler, 1997). If students start to break the silence they could help prevent bullying from even happening and all that it takes is if a person intervenes and defends the victim. As Dr. King stated, “A time comes when silence is betrayal” (King, 1). This relates perfectly back to bullying because if the bystanders don’t do anything they are betraying whoever is getting victimized.

            In times like today with an abundant amount of social media like Facebook, Instagram, and Yik Yak, many kids watch and see others get victimized and do nothing about it to help or stop it. That is when it is time to break the silence. A recent example was in McDonalds when a 22 year old transgender girl got brutally attacked. During the incident kids would just watch or join in on the attack. In the article, “'Everyone sat there and watched me get hurt': Victim of McDonald's beating speaks out as fast-food giant goes into damage control," Paul Bentley states that, “Staff not only allowed the abuse to continue, one employee - identified as Vernon Hackett from images and comments he put online - filmed the incident” (Bentley 1). This is a perfect example of how others just sat around and watch. He didn’t chose to stop the fight and help her, instead he decided to film it and upload it online.

           Breaking the silence is everything that Dr. Martin Luther King fought for. Racism played a huge impact on his life as he tried to bring everyone together no matter their race. He was one of the few willing to break that silence during that time period.  Even today in 2015 there are still some cases where racism takes place. But the question is who and when can people break the silence? An example that is relevant to today with breaking silence is the Eric Garner case. Eric Garner was a young African man who died from resisting arrest from police. There were protests because his friends, family, and community in Staten Island thought of it as police brutality. There have been a lot of protests and talk about racism during this incident. The protesters broke the silence and stood up for Eric in regards to what happened to him and were demanding justice. They did this by coming together and spoke out about how wrong he was treated by police and protested in the streets with signs. In relation to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s speech he states, “If we continue, there will be no doubt in my mind and in the mind of the world that we have no honorable intentions…” (King 2). Meaning if America continues to go down this path people will continue to not do the right thing. After the case, protesters were brave enough to speak out on the unjust death of Eric Garner. Instead of doing nothing, they broke the silence and protested against racism.

             Just like racism another issue that has been brought to concern are gay rights. According to Gay Marriage ProCon.org statistics show that, “As of Feb. 9, 2015, gay marriage has been legalized in 37 US states” (ProCon 1). That statistic is only because people broke the silence. For countless years gay marriage was always frowned upon, but lately more and more people are starting to speak up and show who they truly are. For example, Ellen DeGeneres, comedian and talk show host, came out and revealed that she was gay on her talk show. This is important because this is what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr would have wanted because during the war he was one of the few to speak up and say how he really feels and show the people that the war was not right. Everyone, including Ellen, are speaking up because if they don’t, nothing will change. According to Dr. Martin Luther King states, “And some of us who have already begun to break the silence of the night have found that the calling to speak is often a vocation of agony, but we must speak” (King 1). That relates perfectly to gay rights and speaking up because he says that although it may be hard at first to speak up, it is important that people do. Because if people don’t then we will never move forward.
          There comes a time and place to speak up. Although it is important to stay silent at times it is equally as important to break that silence during times like bullying, racism and gay rights. All citizens have rights and if people do not speak up then their issues become less important and unrecognized. Keeping silent will enable these violations of rights to continue. America has come so far and these issues need to be addressed in order to progress.

 

 

 

 

 

Works Cited

Bentley, Paul. "'Everyone Sat There and Watched Me Get Hurt': Victim of McDonald's Beating

Speaks out as Fast-food Giant Goes into Damage Control." Mail Online. Associated Newspapers, n.d. Web. 02 Apr. 2015.

 

"Education Site." Bullying Statistics. N.p., n.d. Web. 02 Mar. 2015.

 

"Gay Marriage ProCon.org." ProConorg Headlines. N.p., n.d. Web. 11 Feb. 2015.

 

King, Martin Luther Jr. “Beyond Vietnam: A Time to Break Silence. “Clergy and Layme

Concerned About Vietnam. Riverside Church, New York City. 4 April 1967. Lecture.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Dare to Dream

Dana Cursi

Professor Young



February 11, 2015

Essay 1

Dare to Dream

            The word freedom to many can mean multiple things. It can be about expressing yourself, making your own choices, and having a verbalized voice. In The Good Lord Bird by James McBride there are two slaves that are discussed, Pie and Sibonia. Although they are both slaves, they differ in the amount of how free they truly are. Sibonia is freer because she says what she wants, she expresses herself and how she feels, and has control over her own decisions.

The opposite of Sibonia would be Pie. Pie has more privileges. She gets her own luxurious bed, her own room, doesn’t have to do manual labor, and even gets to stay clean in the sense that she can shower and wash up. Pie would never go against her masters and would do anything to stay on their good side. She does this in order to keep getting the privileges and stay at a higher status then the other slaves. Sibonia, on the other hand, has nothing to lose so she chooses to speak her mind and say how she feels. Meanwhile, whenever Pie tried to tell her master something you, “Could hear the terror in her voice” (McBride 150). She never wanted to say anything in fear of losing the high status that she had. Although Pie might seem to be freer, Sibonia is free to speak and able to verbalize her voice.



In contrast, Sibonia is out working in the fields all day and is not clean or put together nicely. But that doesn’t stop her from being herself. Sibonia is not afraid to speak her mind as we see how she speaks out to the masters and the judge. When she was asked who the leader was, “Sibonia was calm as a blade of grass. She looked straight at the judge and looked neither sideways nor over his head, ‘I am the woman,’ she said, ‘and I am not ashamed or afraid to confess it’” (McBride 175). She is not afraid of anyone and will do as she pleases in order to stand up to them and not give in. Sibonia doesn’t let anyone hold her back because she dares to reach her dreams. She wants what she wants and even though she knows the situation she never gives up. When Sibonia speaks out she has no regrets.

Meanwhile, Pie is forced into the whore house not allowed to fight back or refuse, she must do what they say. Since Pie is afraid to stand up for herself, that takes away parts of her freedom that Sibonia won’t give up no matter what. Pie has Onion to be her spy and has him go and listen to what is happening because she is afraid of getting herself in trouble and losing the high status that she has. She told him to, “Lay low and listen. Find out who them nine is, and when it’s safe, slip back in here and tell me” (McBride 174). Pie is too afraid to get on her owners bad side and locks herself in to her room until the drama is over. This shows a lot about her and how she treats other people. Pie always puts herself first so that nothing bad will happen to her. She has other people do her dirty work and when she does speak up it is putting someone else down or getting them in trouble.


Besides being able to verbalize her voice, Sibonia also shows that she is able to express herself. She doesn’t hold anything back and just does what she pleases. For example, when she was with Onion she didn’t care what she did and, “She had got up from her box, came to the edge of the fence where [he] was, picked up another mud ball, and throwed that, and that one got [him] in the jaw” (McBride 161). They all find her to be crazy so she uses that to her advantage. She is freer in that sense because she is able to express herself and how she feels through her own actions.



Making decisions on your own is a big part of freedom. Being able to decide what you want to do and when to do it is huge and being a slave normally won’t allow for that. Sibonia has more freedom because the masters/owners and Darg, the overseer, finds her “crazy” so they let her do what she wants. In the novel McBride writes, “That one there, she’s a witch. She’s under a mad spell” (McBride 168). She acts insane so that they will leave her alone. Which also allows her to manipulate Onion. Sibonia knows that Onion is a boy and not a girl, so Onion offered her education in return for her to keep her mouth shut because Onion “Know[s] my[his] letters. I can show you some” (McBride 163). With this education, Sibonia will be able to learn letters which could make her freer because she’d then be able to express herself in other ways which Pie cannot. Having the slaves learn letters and reading is what the owners try to avoid because that would allow them to gain more knowledge and could lead to communicating with each other more.

            What you see from the outside isn’t always the truth. Although Pie seems to be the one that has the most freedom being a slave, in reality she doesn’t. She is not allowed to express herself verbally or physically, she can’t make her own decisions about whether or not she wants to have sex with all of the men because she is just forced into it. Proving she is forced into it, it states, “Pie! Pie darling! C’mon down. Guess who’s back” (McBride 143). This shows that when the men came into the house they immediately call for her and she has to show up to their calls and listen to what they tell her to do. Meanwhile Sibonia, although not allowed, still is able to express herself verbally and physically, and has control over her own decisions which makes her freer. As demonstrated Onion states, “But that crazy thing kept her mouth busy” (McBride 160). Showing no matter what she will always be able to verbalize how she feels because she doesn’t care what happens to herself and does as she pleases. Because she stands up for what’s right and doesn’t hide around like Pie, Sibonia is freer.

 

 

Works Cited

 
McBride, James. The Good Lord Bird. New York, NY: Penguin Audio, 2014. Print.